The Consequences of Hidden Stress
by Nolo Laborare Sed Volo Legere
Summary: Or, what goes on behind closed doors and shirt sleeves. A story of the benefits of having each other. Based on the Tabinof and Tatinof era of Dan and Phil's lives. *Please* read the warnings in bolded text located inside.


Yo hey guys! I told you I would still write oneshots, and well, here we are. This is one of my few attempts at writing Phanfiction, so please don't underappreciate my efforts. That being said, enjoy!

 **Warnings: themes of self harm and self hatred, discussion of cutting, suicidal implications, generally a big mess of depressing angst**

"Phil?" Dan called out. He hadn't seen Phil yet that day, and he really wanted to finish planning the final stages of their tour.  
"What?" He heard Phil answer.

"We need to finish this, remember?"

"-oh"

Dan shifted. That didn't sound like normal, happy Phil. Then he sat up straight as Phil walked in the room. He could see the circles under Phil's eyes clearly, and the normally bright blue eyes were dull.

"Phil are you alright? We don't need to work on this now, we can do it later."

"No, its fine Dan, lets just get this over with so we can relax," Phil said.

Dan nodded, eager to get the work done so that he could go back to his Netflix and tumblr binge.

Phil reached for the laptop, and they started making their hotel reservations. But the entire time Dan couldn't help but to think that Phil's heart just wasn't in it. Was Phil having second thoughts? It wasn't like any of this was set in stone; they hadn't even told the fans yet. Did Phil no longer want to do this?

Dan went to bed that night worried and sad. _What if Phil regretted this? What if Phil didn't want to go on tour with him?_

The next morning Dan woke up late. So late, in fact, that Phil had assumed he wasn't coming out at all. Dan often did that, spending the day on his bed in suspended existential crisis. So Phil didn't really pay attention to what was going on as he puttered around aimlessly. Next thing he knew he was walking into the kitchen and seeing Dan making a cup of coffee.

"Oh! You're awake!" He said, startled.

"Yeah, I- " he froze. His eyes, which had flicked across the older man's form out of habit, had landed on something worrying. Phil's white shirt sleeves had stains on them. Blood stains.

Dan dropped his mug. It shattered, snapping them both out of their relative calm.

"Dan-"

"Phil, what the fuck is on your wrists?" Dan's voice was steely calm and filled with dread.

Phil's face drained of color and he immediately darted out of the room. Dan instantly sprung into action, chasing after him.

"Phil! Phil!"

Phil ran into his own room, slamming the door just before Dan reached him. Dan tried opening the door, but Phil had locked it.

"Phil, please, I just want to talk about it!" He implored.

"It's nothing , Dan, go away!"

"It's not nothing, Phil. If you're in pain, I want to help."

"-wha, Dan- I- it's not what it looks like."

"Really, Phil? 'Cause it looks like you're hurting yourself, and I can't just sit here and let that happen!"

"Dan I'm not suicidal, if that's what you think. It's fine."

Dan sighed, sinking down and sitting, head resting against the door.

"Phil, that's not all that matters. I mean, I'm glad you're not, but if something's bothering you enough for you to damage your own self, we need to talk about it."

"We don't need to talk about it"

"Fine. Then we at least need to fix whatever it is that's hurting you. Because if you don't, this is going to kill you, whether you want it to or not. "

"... How the hell would you know, Dan?"

Dan sighed. He hadn't ever wanted to admit any of what he was about to say.

"Because fixing things is what saved me, Phil. I was lost and I was sad. I had no one to talk to, no place to call home. I had no friends, Phil, I wasn't exactly happy. But then I met you, well, on Skype at least. And it started to get better. But I never said anything, I just kept going, and my wrist was never clean. And then I nearly overdid it, and ended up passing out and waking up in the hospital. And I knew I had to stop. So I moved in with you, and within a month, I was clean. Phil, you saved me, literally saved my life. Now let me do the same for you Phil. Please, let me help you. "

At this point Dan had tears streaming down his face. Telling Phil all that had brought up old feelings of insecurity and self doubt, but he was pushing them down to help Phil.  
He was startled out of his self reflection by the sound of the door opening. He jumped up, and was greeted by the sight of a crying Phil.

"Did you really feel that way?" He croaked.

Dan nodded. He then moved towards Phil and wrapped him in a hug.

"Please don't h-hurt yourself, Phil!"

"Dan, its not your fault. I've just been stressed lately and I've been feeling like I'm not enough for a while now. But I promise, I won't do it again. It doesn't really help, and I can't put you through that anyway. I'll be ok, bear, I promise"

Dan just nodded, face on Phil's shoulder.

"You scared me lion, I don't want you going through that. We'll take a break, we have plenty of time to deal with all this later. "

"Thanks, Dan"

The two retreated into the lounge and spent the day cuddling and watching Netflix. Dan was happy Phil had realized what he was doing to himself, but he knew this wasn't over. There were still days now even that Dan got the urge to cut, but he fought them because he had Phil. He just needed Phil to realize he could lean on Dan in the same way.

Dan would do anything for Phil.

So that's all, folks!

Oh, disclaimer: do I really need to clarify that I don't own two grown men?


End file.
